Friendship, Feelings and Mental decline,

 Hello again!

If you made it past my first boring post well this one might be a long one for you!

So as a few friends know lately i have gone through a very tough time mentally, I've bottled things up for so long and with a lot of stress and anxiety i have faced lately it all came to a head, i always thought my mind was un breakable like a diamond but oh how this diamond was flawed apparently, i just lost it all. felt like i had no one. but with the help of my best friend especially i have managed to open up a lot and talk about things which has helped massively and thank you to the friend who suggested i start a blog to help get my thoughts out!

I have gone through a lot in the last few months, dealing with a lot of emotions i didn't know i had if i am honest, from sadness and feeling alone to being content as anything and being happy! but as with anything these emotions have basically spun on a penny and have changed rapidly.

Recently i got myself into a huge blackhole of basically depression i suppose and in my selfishness pushed someone special away from me, i have not really known what to do or how to cope if i am honest its scared the jeebees out of me, i haven't known who to turn to or what to even say.

I suppose I've got myself into this over thinking a lot and worrying ALOT! I keeping am getting to old to own a house, how am i going to do it on my own, has a lot of old anxiety over doing a simple class at college due to problems in school and fears. but on the other side of this i have gotten closer with a couple friends! and without them i have no idea where i would be! they have been my absolute rocks! and slowly but surely i have regained a sense of stability in my mind, i have took a short break from my class, and will be moving back home with the parents (Short term to save for a mortgage!) but moving back home will get me out the self made toxic environment I've created in my mind.

On a plus note there have been moments of happiness and contentment, i wont be going into much detail but what i can say is the feelings I've had I've never had for anyone. Ever. i know its sappy as anything and it is not something i could have stopped. it just happened. which is totally unlike me! all of this is! am normally that one person who just plod on without a care in the world but here we are, there's a lot more i can say about this but i cant. not yet. i need to process this myself as well. As all of the things that have happened to me are completely new!

hope ive not bored you too much and you will return for more posts! I haven't worked out a schedule of anything currently its just as and when and what i feel!

Any feed back would be much appreciated tho!

Chris